


Poison Highvy

by Sasam



Category: DCU, Gotham City Sirens (Comics)
Genre: Drugs, F/F, When you have one terrible idea and roll with it, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 17:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21462181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasam/pseuds/Sasam
Summary: The Sirens get high and relax for the night. But like it's a shitpost. Selina centric because I just want her to be happy and with people who love her.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Selina Kyle, Pamela Isley/Selina Kyle/Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	Poison Highvy

Selina slides into the entry way of the small apartment, taking quick glances behind her to ensure she wasn’t being tailed before closing the door with her free foot. It wasn’t that she thought anyone was following her, it was more a force of habit, one like the evasion patterns she took back. These habits ensured that unless there was a team of at least five or more skilled watchers or one dedicated bat then no one would find the hideout the Siren’s were currently using. Batman didn’t need to follow her to find it, he already knew where it was located and didn’t seem to care as long as they didn’t cause any immediate trouble.

Locking the door Selina placed the large paper bag she was carrying down on the small black bench and plopped herself down beside it. Slowly she worked off her boots unlacing them and tugging them off. Groaning she stretched her latex clad foot and massaged it. Choosing high heels to be part of her aesthetic had it’s down side, especially after a long day and she silently thanked the stars that it was over and she could finally relax. Or at least she could as soon as she figured out why Harley had her pick up over 200 Chicken McNuggets™ on her way back.

Grabbing the bag of McDonalds™ once more she padded through the small kitchenette and out into the living room where she found Harley and Pamela lounging on separate corners of the couch, so slumped back it almost looked like they were sinking into it. Pamela was flicking through their Netflix™ account (That Harvey had been so kind to share when he got the family deal and only needed two for himself) though didn’t seem to be settling onto anything in particular, Harley meanwhile was flopped over the armrest giving Bud and Loud some ear scratches.

Harley noticed Selina enter first and grinned up at her with her big infectious smile, not the one she had when working for Joker meant to intimidate but one of genuine happiness.

“Hey, my favourite kitty’s here!” she drawled out her Brooklyn accent coming through thicker than usual.

“I’d better be, you know how people stare at you when you order 200 Chicken McNuggets™? It’s not pleasant I can tell you that much. Why do you even need so many?”

“Munchies.” Pamela replied without taking her eyes off the screen.

Selina nearly dropped the bag on the floor, something that Bud and Lou may have enjoyed but the rest of them would not have.

“Sorry I did not hear you right. You? Poison Ivy? Plant lover extraordinaire. Has Munchies?”

“’Bout sums it up.”

“You smoked Pot. You took a plant to your lips and lit it on hire?”

Pamela finally turned to face her looking aghast with terror.

“Selina, don’t even joke about that.”

“Then how the hell did the two of you get high? Some new pheromone concoction you were working on go wrong?” Selina pinched the bridge of her nose. This was just what she needed tonight, her two room mates conked out on what should have been a nice relaxing girl’s night in together.

It was at this point that Harley began whining and reaching for the bag.

“I prescribed her some medicinal Marijuana for when her connection with The Green becomes overwhelming for her senses. Now can you give us the dang Chickies already?”

Harley made a vicious swipe for the food but Selina pulled the bag out of her reach. Harley pouted and seemed to consider just getting up off the couching and going to take it from Selina but settled back down, arms crossed in a childish mimicry of anger.

“Not until you tell me what exactly is going on in here, if Pam didn’t smoke weed then how did you prescribe her any?”

“I realized with my body the way it is that I could just synthesize the equivalent THC levels in my body organically.” Pamela answered for them.

“Like a weed woman! No more Poison Ivy it’s Marijuana Mam!” Harley butted in much to Pamela’s exasperation, forgetting that she was supposed to be pretending to be angry with Selina.

“I told you I’m not changing my name to Marjiuana Mam, I want to save plants not legalize them.”

“But the alliteration-”

“Okay okay okay.” Selina cut off their banter. “I know Harley wouldn’t smoke any plants either for your sake so how did she get high then?”

“So funny thing about producing THC in my body, apparently it releases in my bodily fluids at extremely potent levels.”

“Okay. T. M. I. Sorry I asked.”

“I meant Saliva you kink obsessed bimbo. Though if you want to take it that way yes you could probably get high off my sweat or cum.”

Satisfied she finally had some idea of whatever the hell was currently going on Selina leaned over the couch between the two women and dropped the bag there for their taking. She was about to leave and retreat back to her own room to find a book or something to occupy the rest of her night alone when Pam grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Don’t you want to try?” She smirked.

“Try what?”

Pam leaned in close brushed her lips past Selina’s ear. “A hit of course. Don’t you want to kiss me?”

It wasn’t a real question. Selina caught Pam’s gaze as she pulled back to stare into her eyes. Slowly she let the other woman pull her in to a deep kiss. As their skin met Selina felt her lips buzz and she let herself be guided deeper into the kiss, let her lips part and Pamela’s tongue enter. It was intoxicating. Literally.

When Selina finally pulled back her lungs screamed and her thoughts jumbled for a moment and then seemed to ooze back into focus. She let Pamela guide her back into a second kiss, and was unsure if the light-headedness she was feeling was from lack of oxygen or the dope saliva. As they broke off a second time she realized she was purring, something she’d started doing as a joke to fit her moniker but had soon become a real habit she just couldn’t seem to quit. Harley loved it and she could already hear her snickering behind her.

“I told you it’s good. How’s it feel getting a little Poison Highvy?” Harley crooned slapping the side of the couch and chortling at her own joke.

“Please no.” Pamela sighed already accepting the new pun she’d have to put up with for the foreseeable future.

Once Harley’s snickering faded she beckoned Selina onto the couch between the two of them, moving the McNuggets™ to the small coffee table adjacent. Selina allowed herself to languidly slide over the rest of the back and twisted to fall sprawled across her room mate’s laps, her head resting on Harley’s thighs.

“Yes?” She continued to purr.

“I haven’t had my turn yet.” Harley bent down to steal a kiss of her own from Selina’s lips.

“Now how about you find something fun to watch while I get at these nugs. Then once we’re done me and Pamela can show you some of the other neat things she’s being coming up with.”  
  
“It’s vine tentacles but they’re part of my own body instead of just through the green.” Pam stated bluntly.

“And you call me the kink obsessed bimbo.” Selina’s voice came out deep and sultry now, melding into the low rumbling hum she continued to make.

“You do insist on wearing the skintight latex catsuit and those horrendously high heels.” To make her point she began kneading and massaging Selina’s feet, savouring the sigh of delight it elicited from her.

“You like it though don’t you?”

“Mmmm that we do.” Harley replied tracing her finger over Selina’s should and playing with the partly unzipped edges of her suit. “We’ll show you how much AFTER we eat. Priorities.”

Priorities were quickly forgotten halfway through the McNuggets™ as they ended up on watching old episodes of Totally Spies™ and got so into calling out and bashing it for it’s weird PG rated kink content that they completely lost track of time, eventually falling asleep without ever moving from their spots. The next morning Pamela would make the executive decision to only occasionally let her body produce THC as after a small kiss good morning the three conked out for another consecutive session aimless lounging and bad cartoons. Bud and Lou had gotten into the leftover McNuggets™ throughout the night and it would double decided that they would never let them near McDonalds™ again. Harley came up with another dozen weed puns before they finally called the whole thing off completely.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how to end a fic that was based off a random shitpost thought and should never existed. Oh well.
> 
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/SasamBots  
Tumblr: https://sasamdcu.tumblr.com/


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